The Wicker Man and Performance: 70's Cult classics and just a bit crazy!

The Wicker Man (1973) is undoubtedly one of the greatest British horror movies without question. In my estimation it ranks along side genre juggernaut The Exorcist, also from 1973. Like The Exorcist, it's a flawless movie in every respect. How I envy anyone that hasn't seen this masterpiece as when they do they will be blown away. I remember seeing it on TV in the 70's, watching it with my dad. We weren't exactly prepared for the naughty shenanigans in the film, and I was sent rapidly to bed when Britt Ekland got her 'kit off'. How I managed to stay in the room when the couples were making love inside the cemetery is any one's guess?, maybe my dad was making a cup of tea at the time (wished he'd been making another cuppa when M's Ekland was on display!!! I don't mean to sound sexist but when you're a lad of maybe 12 and your confronted with Britt's bum and other bits...well, boys are boys! (actually, it wasn't her hindquarters but a 'stunt' double) The next time it came on TV my dad was working night shift, hurrah! I remember sneaking downstairs very slowly (as there were several squeaky floorboards to endure and I didn't want to wake my mother, obviously) I watched the whole film and thought 'WOW' this is incredible. There are so many memorable scenes in this splendid movie, and the sight of Christopher Lee wearing a wig and dress is just unbelievable! This is basically how I got interested in movies really - sneaking downstairs in the wee hours to watch naughty night-time television. This technique introduced me to other cult classic movies such as Director Nicolas Roeg's 70's masterpieces Performance, Walkabout, Don't look Now and The Man who Fell To Earth. Also European Cinema (where you were 99% guaranteed to see a bit of naughtiness) These movies had a profound effect on me. I saw at a relatively early age, some classic cinema from Bergman, Fellini, Bertolucci, to name but a few, and I didn't even know it.

Performance (1970) was especially memorable as I hadn't a bloody clue what was going on (neither did the audience at the time apparently) Today however it is rightly cited as a classic of British cinema. I saw it recently and it is spellbinding, psychedelic and confusing in equal measures. When one studio executives wife saw the movie at a screening, apparently she vomited in shock! A studio executive (not sure if it was the husband of the lady that was sick!) wanted the negative burned and a film critic described performance as 'the most completely worthless film I have seen since I began reviewing'...not exactly a standing ovation, but it has had the last laugh, or the directors have (there were actually two) it regularly appears in opinion polls as one of the true cult movie greats and the scene where someone is shot near the end (I won't say who) is an astounding piece of cinema. Indeed there are so many unforgettable images on display you wonder what the makers were 'on'...certainly 'on form' as far as cinematic bravado is concerned, that's for sure. So many movies these days that are on general releases are remakes (like the 2006 Wicker Man fiasco) or 'safe', what I mean is they don't push any boundaries anymore, they have a beginning, middle and resolution and are instantly forgettable. These two movies and countless others of the 70's were daring and memorable.

Can you remember a movie that 'did it' for you? that made you think 'WOW' this is amazing. Eraserhead, Raging Bull, and many more are groundbreaking (for mainstream movies) in my estimation. Hardly groundbreaking, but to me a superior classic thriller The Taking Of Pelham 123 (1974) has been remade. I haven't seen it yet, and the saying 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' is very wise, but it will be interesting to see what they have done. I just hope they don't make a shambles of it like the Wicker Man remake and countless others. i.e. the British classic cult thriller Get Carter (1971) was also remade into an absolute mess of a movie when it was placed in the hands of Hollywood!

Outspan Orange Mini: A fruitful advertising campaign!

The Outspan orange car has to be the funkiest mode of transport ever invented. Cars are a passion of mine and the more bizarre the better for me. The only other car that comes close to this is the Bond Bug, which like the Outspan Mini, to give it it's correct title, looks like you could eat it (but not obviously in one go!) I first saw the fruity four wheeled wonder outside my local greengrocer shop in the early 70's. It had a crowd surrounding it, in awe of the madness on view. Based on a Mini it can apparently achieve a top speed of 30mph, any more and the thing becomes unstable and could roll over (and roll, and roll, and roll... for some distance, I would guess judging by the shape of the thing!) They built six of these for advertising campaigns in the UK and Europe and can be seen regularly at motoring events.

...And now for something completely different (well, in shape that is, not colour) Meet it's cousin, the 3 wheeled wonder Bond Bug. This car was quicker than the Outspan Mini, it has a 700cc engine and boasts a top speed of 78mph (126km/h) Not bad for a lump of cheese! They were built between 1970 and 1974 and over 2000 were made. It has a lift up canopy instead of doors and the engine apparently protrudes into the cabin! They weren't cheap however, despite being a microcar, it was more expensive than a basic mini with a bigger 850cc motor. The car is much sought after by collectors and enthusiasts and quite rightly, it's a classic bit of English eccentricity at it's finest. I had a Dinkey model of this and wish I still did.

This cute thing below (the car, not my son, although it has to be said he is rather cute too) is the BMW Isetta 300 'bubble car'. Who said the German people lacked a sense of humour. Having said that the BMW is a very sensible mode of transport. It is very economical as you would expect from egg on wheels! It has a BMW single cylinder motorcycle engine giving it a top speed of 53mph (83km/h) so in a race with the Outspan Mini, the BMW would win, unless the British car became unstable going downhill and decided to roll, the momentum would probably make the Outspan Mini triumphant, -it's a long shot, but it's possible!!! Actually the car was an Italian design (hence the name Isetta) and built under licence from the manufacturer in several countries. The German nickname for it was rolling egg, or coffin car, due to the zero distance (I presume) between the passengers and oncoming traffic. But my favorite name is from the French, er...yogurt pot, how very cute and apt. The UK variant had one less wheel (the others had two narrow track wheels at the rear) This was specifically to make the vehicle legible for cheaper tax and licencing as with three wheels it was basically classed as a motorcycle. You gained entry by the single door at the front, the steering wheel and instrument panel swung out with the door too.

What's your favorite weird and wonderful car, whether it's a production car, a one off, or something from TV, i.e. The Batmobile, The Pink Panthers car etc? please let me know.

Classic cartoon character Top Cat is Toppi Katti by the Finnish!

Probably my favorite cartoon show was Top Cat, well, maybe?... While I remember, there was also Tom and Jerry, Wacky Racers, The Flintstones, Scooby Doo, Rhubarb and Custard etc. etc. etc, but certainly Top Cat is up there with the very best cartoon shows of all time. I was slightly confused (didn't take much in those days, and still doesn't now!) as to why the theme tune referred to Top Cat and the cartoon was titled Boss Cat, can you remember that? There was a cut at the end of the opening credits with Boss Cat logo inserted. Well around the same time (early sixties) in the UK there was a brand of cat food called...you've guessed it, Top Cat. I can't remember that far back as I wasn't even born when the first run was broadcast in 1962, but I suppose the BBC didn't want people to think there was a connection between the cartoon and the product, especially when Aunty Beeb (the BBC as it's affectionately known by some) didn't allow advertising on it's station.

Top Cat was inspired by characters from the Phil Silvers Show (1955-1959), and again, usually more affectionately known to most as Sargent Bilko, or just plain Bilko. This series was also part of my growing-up (watching repeats, of course) and I will discuss in greater detail the delights of this wonderful show at a later date.

Top Cat, or T.C. to his friends, (I can still remember Brain, the dim-witted, stuttering, orange and purple cats' catchphrase 'Duhhh, what's up T.C?' vividly) was a leader of a gang of alley cats in New York City. He was a lovable rougue, even though some of his scams were considered slightly shameful to the rest of the members. I've already mentioned Brain, a non too bright cat who was for some inexplicable reason left in charge of the finances, which was rarely a significant amount...but what about the rest of the motley crew? I think the short, fat, slow but not so stupid, Benny the Ball was T.C.'s best friend and desperately tried to keep order amongst the shenanigans. Maurice Gosfield provided the voice of Bennie the Ball and also played Private Dwayne Doberman in Bilko (see pic. left) The characters of Bennie and Doberman are based significantly on one another as they are both, chubby, slow and cute!!! Similarly the voice of Top Cat is reminiscent of Sargent Bilko's authoritative ramblings and outbursts. My favorite character it has to be said is Choo Choo, T.C.'s second in command, a loyal cat but clueless to the events around him for the most part. He is very distinctive, a tall pink cat with a white turtle-neck top. Next, Fancy is a ladies man...er, sorry cat, with a smooth talking voice similar to Cary Grant. He regularly is seen abandoning the ladies to the sound of the dustbin lid call to action! Finally Spook, a green furred, black tied, beatnik pool shark that is so laid back he's virtually horizontal!

The basic scenario to most of the episodes was an attempt to earn a 'fast-buck' by a non-too-well thought out scam that was usually unsuccessfully thwarted by Officer Dibble, bless him. Behind his stern approach in his attempt to catch them red-handed, I think he really liked T.C. and the rest of the crew.

Top Cat was broadcast in many countries. I like the German translation for the show, Superkater, the Finnish, Toppi Katti is also most amusing, but the daddy is, er...Pissu Pusa, as known by many folk in Sri Lanka. Pissu Pusa...er, sorry Top Cat certainly gets about a bit! What was your favorite cartoon show or character. Please let me know, thanks.

40th anniversary of the first moon landing. America blows its own trumpet again!

The 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing marks a historic event in world history. The thing however I simply can't come to terms with is that we (my family) were watching the events unfold on a TV with valves! Also there was no remote control in those days for our 19" or was it a 21" black and white TV (that was a real historic event when you didn't have to get off your back-side to change channels) What I mean to say is, how can you have a man on the moon when technology was still fairly primitive, and my dad's Ford Popular car had to have a handle inserted in the front of the car to help it start-up.

When Neil Armstrong descended the ladder and took 'One Small Step', who set the camera on the tri-pod to film the event? My friend Gary had a theory: 'Buzz' Aldrin nipped out the back door of the craft and set-up the camera 'when no one was watching!!!' Well every one's entitled to an opinion, but my friend spoiled his chance of credibility by referring to Mission Commander Armstrong as Louis Armstrong! I never had the heart to tell him that one Armstrong was a black, iconic, 'Hello Dolly' jazz trumpeter, and the other the first man to step on the moon. I know they left Hassleblad cameras up there, but according to my friend Gary, Louis Armstrong left his trumpet....ok, ok so I'm joking now, but he did say Louis and not Neil Armstrong several times.

Many people think that it was faked in a studio, one wild claim was that the legendary film director Stanley Kubrick was paid by NASA as a consultant to the filming of the mission. He had previously made 2001: A Space Odyssey, released in April 1968 so was concidered something of an expert in this field.

There have been so many conspiracy theories but I genuinely believed 'they pulled it off', but why, having said that, can't we zoom-in on Louis' trumpet...er, sorry - the landing site, with flag, moon buggy, cameras etc, after all we can see into other galaxies with telescopes these days....but it's to big an event to cover-up if they didn't get there, don't you think? There were 1ooo's of people involved, someone would of sang like a canary by now, and there would of been many I would of thought over the years, so many that I fear the CIA would of run out of bullets long before now!

There is a terrific movie called Capricorn One (1978) about a cover-up mission to Mars, when the life support system fails at the last minute and the crew are forced to fake the mission in a TV studio. O.J. Simpson has a substantial part in the movie, this was in the days when he filled his time in before and after retiring from a successful career as an American football player with acting duties. Later he's filled his time in by, er...doing 'time', 33 years to be precise, for...well I think you know the story there, or is that a conspiracy too!

If you can think of any good reason to suggest why you man hasn't been to the moon, or anything related, i.e. a pointless waist of money and resources in the name of a presidential campaign and not wanting to come second best to the U.S.S.R, please let me know. Also if you are familiar with the movie Capricorn One, let me know what you think of that too. Thanks.

Alfa Romeo Carabo concept car found on moon!

The Alfa Romeo Carabo (green beetle) is undoubtedly one of the greatest concept cars ever. You can see 'Olga' doing her Jane Fonda workout with it, in the header on the top of my blog. She can also be seen pushing the damn thing (left) as it seems to have broken down (whilst she still continues with her Jane Fonda regime!) It's incredible to think this king of concept cars is over 40 years old now. I wonder how old Olga is? Drawing her pension, no doubt! (I just made the name up, I've no idea who she is or what her name is...but to me she looks like an Olga for some reason. The car was built way back in 1968 and before man stepped on the moon! Looks like it could of been some sort of UFO that you could find up there actually. Apparently when it was revealed to the world, people were stunned, I personally still am to this day. I had a Matchbox model of this car, I think round about 1970 and along with my Lotus Europa, were my two favorite models cars

The man that designed this car is called Marcello Gandini and if I remember correctly he was at the unavailing of the Triumph TR7, maybe at the London Motor Show 1975? The car was on a turntable, so you could view it from all angles. He (very wittily and with a hint of sarcasm) said after viewing the car from one side, and as the car spun round to reveal the other side, was disappointed that the design hadn't improved... 'oh dear, they've done the same mistake this side too! meaning he didn't like the design and maybe they would improve it on the other side! He should know what he's talking about as he also designed two Lamborgini's, the Miura and Countach whilst working for the design studio Bertone. Incidentaly, did you know that the word Countach is an exclamation of astonishment used by men on seeing a very beautiful woman, in English the equivalent could be 'Phwoar!' for example, the verbal equivalent of a wolf-whistle. The name stuck when Nuccio Bertone first saw the car in his design studio.

Near where I live in Bangkok you have a very posh shopping mall called Siam Paragon where you can buy anything from Armani to Versace, and also the latest Lamborghini, a real one, not a diecast model (see pic below) I had a look with my son one day and although the car was very very nice, and I wouldn't say no, I don't think the design is as good as the Carabo, Countach, or certain other designs that preceed it by 40 years. What do you think? is automobile design not moving forward so to speak. Let me know, thanks.

Classic TV show Love Thy Neighbour: A lesson in social skills?

How I loved this classic TV show from the 70's. Love Thy Neighbour was a highly popular and very funny slice of domestic disturbance and shenanigans. It wasn't without controversy however and still remains so today, mainly due to 'racist' and politically incorrect outbursts between the two protagonists, namely Eddie, (Jack Smethurst), a white, working class Labour supporter, who was portrayed as bigoted and ignorant, while Bill, (Rudolf Walker), on the other hand, was an articulate, intelligent, Conservative West-Indian. It was the comments and outbursts such as nig-nog, choc-ice, sambo etc. that caused controversy, as Eddie struggled to come to terms with his new black neighbours. But let's not forget Bill gave as good as he got with 'sentiments' such as snowflake, paleface, honkey, and big white chief! Indeed, Bill invariably always came out on top in most if not all the episodes and Eddie was made out to be pompous and foolish. I suspect that they secretly liked each other however and enjoyed their banter. If I remember correctly, they would often retire to the club together to have a drink and unwind after the days events which consisted of rantings, cat-fights, and fisticuffs, both at work or at home. To counter the tension between the two men their wives got on really well together. I remember Eddie had the 'hots' for Bill's wife Barbie (I did too!) much to the annoyance of Bill... Ah, yes, and Bill's high pitched laugh, I remember now, every time he got 'one over' (or won an argument etc.) with Eddie, he would make a bizarre verbal statement, a laugh like you've never heard before (or since) the noise from which would upset local dogs easily!

I will have to invest in a complete set of DVD's for this wonderful slice of classic TV soon and hopefully it will be as good as I remember. I will view it as I did in my younger days, namely, without any prejudice. I'm looking forward to just sitting back and enjoying a very funny situation comedy about two neighbours at odds with each other, having petty arguments and quarrels, but secretly loving every minute of it. Do you agree with me, or did you find the material in this show (or any other) offensive? Please let me know your comments on this issue, thanks.

On a lighter note, can you remember Eddie and Bill's two co-workers/friends? What were their names? Especially the one with the catch phrase that was used every time he ordered a drink at the club?

What was your favourite classic TV/sitcom, The Good Life springs to mind straight away, and what about Till Death Us Do Part, Alf Garnett's rantings and world views were similar to Eddie's in Love Thy Neighbour, don't y0u think? My Wife Next Door, anyone? All Gas and Gaiters ring a bell! Or what about the American version of Till Death..., All In The Family with Archie Bunker? Other American gems include Taxi, Mork and Mindy, Diff'rent Strokes etc. There are many more to be discussed...it's all coming back to me now, The Odd Couple, with that wonderful theme tune, The Mary Tyler Moore Show and the MGM style logo at the end with a kitten instead of the Lion! There were several spin-offs to the show, can you remember them? Lou Grant was one, can you remember the others?

Housewife's 60's fashions blamed for dissapearance

The fashion trends of the 60's and 7o's went from the sublime to the ridiculous. I remember you could have a ladies dress (not that I personally did, you understand) and a pair of curtains or wallpaper with virtually the same design on. My mother used to partially disappear into the decor on a regular basis because her dress and pinny (kitchen apron) blended seamlessly into the domestic surroundings!

I set the trend for wearing a tea-cozy on my head as a small boy. A tea-cosy, for anyone not familiar with the term is a knitted (in this case, a psychedelically knitted) 'hat' for your teapot to keep it extra warm and cozy, complete with a hole for the spout to protrude out of. But did I care, hell no, as far as I was concerned the yellow, brown, orange, floral woolen tea-cozy was a crash helmet to protect me when 'racing' my peddle car. I would pretend to be Grand Prix legends Jackie Stewart or Graham Hill (I actually drew with black marker pen, what I thought was a splendid moustache under my nose, to re-enforce the effect of looking like Graham Hill! In hindsight I must of looked a right bleedin' idiot, parading round the neighbourhood with false 'tash and psychedelic tea-pot warmer on my head. When you're young you do these odd things that on reflection seem ridiculous, but who cares, no harm done. Have you done something you look back on and think...what, did I really do that! Please let me know, thanks...

...Actually, I've just remembered a fashion folly that my dad told me about many years ago when he was a bus driver. The Bay City Rollers were no.1 in the pop charts with Bye, Bye, Baby in the mid 70's and were a hugely popular Scottish 'bubble gum' band featuring tartan trimmed trousers and other truly terrifying 70's fashion statements. My dad's friend was a hugely unpopular member of the bus company as far as the management was concerned when he repeatedly clocked-on to work with tartan inserts sewn into his company uniform pants. He also got his sister to widen them at the base to make them...'wider than the back wheels of the bus, son', as I distinctly recall my fathers words describing the flared atrocity. The company didn't take to kindly to his sister interfering with his pants, this and his insistence on wearing platform shoes, gave the company no option (fearing an accident induced by his trousers etc) to say...Bye, Bye, Baby!